Cremation & Other Lunch Time Discussions

Last week we were discussing being cremated over lunch. Wait, maybe I should back up just a bit. I was with my family and we were on our way to a funeral. We were having lunch first.

Maybe we need a little more explanation. We were on our way to the funeral of a long time family friend. There are times when death is tragic and there is no other way for those of us left here on Earth to view it. There are other times when it's a blessing, a homecoming for the deceased, an end to the suffering. This was one of those times.

I just didn't want you to think I was being disrespectful. Probably wasn't the classiest conversation I have ever started but it was respectful. I have my boundaries.

So, we're at lunch. I commented that I was surprised our friend had not chosen to be cremated. She had made all of the arrangements herself and she was a very thrifty woman. I explained my thought process and that I had always thought it was less expensive to be cremated than buried. There was some discussion on that and it seems it depends on where you live and if you can actually be cremated there or if they have to send your body elsewhere. Apparently, that gets expensive. I had no idea.

So, I told my brother as I have already told my husband, that he is free to have me cremated as long as he doesn't tell me about while I am still alive. Nightmares and such, you know? Anyway, the way I figure it is that gets you out of having to pick out a casket which is just about the creepiest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life and I do not wish it upon any of my loved ones. Plus, you save some money. Win-win, right?

Well, maybe not. It is pointed out during our discussion that you have to put the ashes in something. Seems some of those urns cost as much as a casket, and I don't know this from personal experience but I am gonna guess that picking out an urn to put the ashes of your loved one into is probably just as creepy as picking out a casket. Then my brother and I point out that you could just use a Ziploc but most of the family agreed that no one was gonna go for that. Dad thought maybe they had something more Tupperware-ish, probably not. But there are bigger issues.

Someone then has to take charge of your ashes for all of their life. I know a few people who would probably get a kick out of being such a burden in the afterlife. I am not one of them. Can you even imagine?

"Okay, now that Momma's gone who's taking her ashes?'

"Not me. I've already got Aunt Thelma and Uncle Marvin"

"I am not taking her, I hate that Chinese urn you picked out"

Seriously, can you imagine? Eventually, somebody has half the family in urns scattered about their house. Oh mercy, talk about creepy. Think about it. Every time another family member passes on you have to go add in your own will who has to take them when you die. God Bless the poor souls who got left to me. Let's just say I like to throw things out when they are no longer useful. As far as I can tell, the ashes of a dead body are pretty much good for nothing.

I said they could just scatter me. There was then some discussion about it being more difficult than portrayed in movies and the words "hard and chunky" were used. I don't know about any of that personally, I am just reporting what I heard. Maybe the funeral home would let you borrow an urn and then scatter the ashes? I said the mall parking lot was fine. Have you seen what people leave beside their cars in the mall parking lot? No one is gonna notice a few "hard, chunky" ashes, I am sure of it.

My brother said he was going to divide my ashes into small Ziploc baggies and make everyone take a little bit of me. I pointed out that I had to live that way in my life on Earth and I would haunt him if he did that to me in death. He agreed that would be cruel. Although, a funny concept.

"Yes sir, we're gonna need Momma divided. Half into that rusty urn with the chippy paint that will look so precious in my sun room. That's the one Momma would have wanted anyway. And the other half in the hideous Oriental thing my sister picked out."